Sunday, March 23, 2008

Libtardo Reductio ad Absurdum

Alternatively Titled: I want to be a ridiculous Libtard, or..

How to create a conspiracy theory out of whole cloth:

This post is dedicated to Libtards. Libtards possess one absolutely amazing ability -- the power to create and then believe their own CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

- Take, for instance, the 911 "Truthers"... it is astounding that they still exist and haven't all killed themselves, thus relieving themselves from this horrid world where the most successful government in history conspires to kill its own citizens.

- Then there's Michael Moore -- he of "Fahrenheit 911", Sicko, and other great works of fiction. Did you see him in Team America: World Police?




- Medea Benjamin -- fearless and brainless leader of Code Pink. Born Susan Benjamin, during college she renamed herself "Medea". In case you don't know the story of Medea, this figure from Greek mythology helped Jason retrieve the Golden Fleece and killed her own brother Absyrtus to do it.
Quite a name for a pacifistic propagandist, eh? If you ask me, Susan should have named herself "Absurdus" instead.
P.S. Medea - you shouldn't have partied with the WHOLE football team (photo).

So here goes...in dedication to Libtards around the Globe I will now create and then believe my own conspiracy theory:

Big business funded the Women's Movement of the 1960's!!!

In the 1960's Corporate America was looking for a long-term method to raise their profits. They were already selling products all over the globe, but that wasn't enough to satisfy their unquenchable greed

General Electric, Westinghouse, and Alcoa met and planned what was called the "Pittsburgh Experiment". The corporate giants charted a way to make themselves more profitable on the backs of the workers by having women demand equal access to the workplace.
How did this help? The corporations knew that they could pay less for labor overseas
but didn't want Americans complaining about the lower income they would receive as jobs moved to other countries. To preclude complaints, they had women enter the workplace and begin to supplement the income of men. Since families would still be able to buy the same things (by having both parents work), corporations rightly assumed that most of the proletariat would not notice the difference, and therefore, not complain.

They triggered the Pittsburgh Experiment in the late 1970's by importing Japanese steel. Unemployment rose to 25% in that city. The second steel town, Cleveland, OH was next. Cleveland's unemployment reached historic levels.

To further divert attention from their plan, the three evil corporations created a football rivalry between those two towns, hoping they would compete toward being the first city to recover from the Experiment. Neither city wanted to be the "poor little brother" of the other, even though both cities had much in common. The Triumvirate of Deceit had played their
hand well. Even today you can hear Hugh Hewitt, a Cleveland native, denigrate people from Pittsburgh by prompting "for the Pittsburgh Steeler fans..." whenever he resorts to simplistic explanations of topics.

Women played their parts - supplementing income and creating a situation where
men had to become more involved in the day-to-day operations of the household. Men are distracted, women empowered, and the corporations laughed. Today a $400 million pension for these corporate theives is commonplace.

FIGHT BACK! Demand that Corporations Raise Wages Immediately. Write To Congress!! Don't Be Pawns of Corporate Greed!!!!

JOIN .....PROLETARIAT FOR THE TRUTH™
Send $49.95 to my address to become a member.

Ladies, Resistance is Futile.....

10 comments:

wacmagnet said...

NO..Now why would we EVER think OUR Govt. is trying to kill us?? Thanks just plain silly Rogue!!!
Operation Northwoods

Rogue said...

Wacmagnet,

You forgot to include the $49.95.

RT said...

My grandmom tried to get that conspiracy going back in the '80s. Only her belief was that corporation were now free to raise prices because there were two-income families all over the place. (Well, she also said that women were taking the jobs of men; consequently, the men couldn't find jobs, became deadbeats, and that led to the breakdown of the family and the rise in divorce.)

That was her belief, I kid you not.

Rogue said...

Rt,
Please have her send the $49.95 and I'll make her a charter member.

RT said...

She's been dead a couple of years and well, I don't think she'll give up her membership in Heaven. :)

She'll have to be an "honorary" member.

Rogue said...

Alrighty then,

Multi-dimensional membership it is.
I'll just waive the fee (this time. But this isn't a charity ya' know. This is a serious Conspiracy Theory and I want libtards to send me money so I can be the next Al Gore.)

RT said...

Dude, you aren't gonna grow a beard and scream at people are you?

Rogue said...

Just call me the Rogacle!!! Peace be upon me.

RT said...

Does the construction worker dude deliver my membership?

Rogue said...

that's me....lol